kinda nervous, ya know?

I will admit that being alone most of the time is actually fairly consistently...lonely. Some days I relish in my solitude. It can be delightful and comforting to just be by yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Be silent. There is comfort in that.
But some nights a little darkness hovers over me. I just feel a few shades darker and I crave that special connection again. Reluctant as I am to admit, there is a romance inside of me that is as big as the moon. I love to share and touch and become merged with someone. I think it is so beautiful and valuable. I miss the steady comfort of another person's legs pressed up against my legs. Even sharing silence with someone you are so close to..is special.
Right now the love I have in my life is just a different version of the same thing. I don't have romance but I do have genuine, deep, beautiful connections with so many people. Sweet innocent connections with regular acquaintances. And soul cradling connections with the best friends I could ever dream up. The kindest family. The gentle beings who know me fully and love me still. Who gently encourage and enlighten me. I find people to be so valuable in the many forms they come in. I am alone but I am so fortunate. So uplifted and surrounded by love.
And I will continue to feel isolated, off and on as my perspective toys with me. But I will never forget that there is always love.