on the fourth of july

I find my emotions are flowing like waves

like the sun emerging from behind a cloud

...lights up the whole room

..warms my skin

then a new cloud comes along and

turns it into a chilly gray shadow

and I get through it because I have to

and because I know that it will certainly pass.

It's almost worse to feel this kind of pain

while possessing the knowledge that everything will get better.

I can imagine everything being fine and I just want to be there already

I find myself wishing I could
abandon and dismiss the pain

the way that he can so easily dismiss me

and everything that i've shown him

I want to float up to the sky now

and look down at the earth

so that I can remind myself

of how impossibly small everything is

and how incredibly large everything is.

Instead I am floating in a pool under the night sky

on the 4^th of July

I watch the fireworks light up the darkness above me

and the water around me

and I know that these fireworks

are both a celebration of new beginnings

and a cruel reminder of how quickly beautiful things fade.